Saturday night, a full Dunstan Playhouse, witnessed the Adelaide premiere of the brainchild of Jonny Hawkins and Jo Dyer I’d like to say a few words, a celebration of what they describe as “humanity’s most dangerous pastime: public oration”.
Hawkins and Dyer open the evening with a humorous reflection on the dreaded speech that often comes after the sound of a fork on a glass. They say that phrase “I’d like to say a few words” fills most people with dread and questioning who is fit to be called upon to give a speech. Their answer: nobody. They talk of the different kinds of speech-givers, the one with his prepared speech cards, the one awkwardly fumbling their way through.
The stage is set like a conference, complete with a central podium, and chairs, a coffee table, and glasses of water to the side. The format for the show is simple: special guests take to the stage, front the lectern and deliver a speech without giving the audience context.
Special guests at the Adelaide premiere of I’d like to say a few words were Peter Goldsworthy, Richard Carroll, Robyn Archer, Vidya Makan, Reuben Kaye and Bharat Sundraesan. Frida Las Vegas was listed online but was not present on the night.
Without giving too much away, the evening features eight speeches spanning a wide range of topics and occasions, balancing comedy with moments of reflection.
Writer (of books, poems and opera libretti) and medical doctor Peter Goldsworthy AM, pitches a mid-life career change at age 75 (“after all I’m a Dr and we can live to 150 now”) to write a cabaret festival song destined to lodge itself in audiences’ heads. He blames Robyn Archer (who appears later) for the song Menstruation Blues being stuck in his. Rather than absurd, Goldsworthy’s premise is knowingly tongue-in-cheek, with the humour emerging from his earnest reframing of 75 as ‘mid-life’ and his pursuit of a perfectly inescapable cabaret tune.
Richard Carroll, director, writer and producer, and Co-Artistic Director of Hayes Theatre Co. (where I’d like to say a few words was first staged) takes to the lectern opening with the words “Good evening, shareholders”. Carroll delivers one of the night’s sharpest satirical turns, blending corporate jargon with escalating absurdity. The audience is quickly pulled in especially during a spontaneous interaction that exposes just how flimsy branding language can be. Think a record-breaking year for the legal department with 87 cases filed against them, and 87 settled out of court, or $85 million spent on a new three-word slogan (which he put an audience member on the spot to come up with), or the catchy term “booksmaxxing” for tax avoidance, playing on the current male trend of “looksmaxxing”.
Robyn Archer AO, singer, performer, writer, and Artistic Director of Adelaide Festival in 1998 and 2000 appears with an American accent, and at a date unknown in the future, pledging to make the biggest university on Earth. There will be no need for a campus or physical presence, AI replaces “unnecessary deep inquiry”. A global institution built on the sale of arms, arms components, and prolonged conflict. She briefly breaks Bob Dylan’s “Masters of war”. Archer’s speech is both chilling and darkly humorous, its futuristic vision landing as a pointed critique of profit-driven systems and the erosion of genuine inquiry.
If Archer’s speech is chilling, Bharat Sundraesan’s is disarmingly playful, and a highlight of I’d like to say a few words. The Indian-born sports journalist and author appears as a footballer addressing his teammates. Just when the premise seems clear, it shifts. Sundraesan’s speech stands out for its clever misdirection, drawing the audience into one expectation before revealing a sharply comic and subversive twist, rich with innuendo and surprise.
Jo Dyer takes to the stage at a late-evening “important council meeting”. While no explicit references is made, it evokes tensions around Adelaide’s parklands. Her impassioned statement that “humans are killing themselves slowly” gives way to unexpected and outrageous proposals. It felt a little like watching an episode of Gruen where they get ad agencies to come up with ads for unthinkable products or ideas. Dyer’s contribution is the most politically charged of the night, blending satire with urgency in a way that lingers well beyond its more absurd moments. Of all the speeches given at I’d like to say a few words, this is the one on which the audience will ruminate or as Hawkins says “come for entertainment and will leave with existential dread”.
Vidya Makan, who is presenting her in-development musical Light, a joyful celebration of the South Asian diaspora experience, at this year’s cabaret festival delivers an emotional, and increasingly inappropriate wedding speech. Makan balances humour and discomfort with precision, using the speech’s escalating awkwardness to expose cultural ignorance and assumptions, misidentifying the Sri Lankan newlywed couple as Indian, and ending with a mismatched “Namaste” and “Inchallah”.
One of the most awaited speeches of the night is that of Adelaide Cabaret Festival 2026 (and just announced 2027) Artistic Directors Reuben Kaye. It does not disappoint. Channelling Barnaby Joyce, he delivers a combined victory and a resignation speech. Kaye commands the room with high-energy satire, skewering political hypocrisy with biting precision. The leader of the party “against everything and for nothing” spirals into increasingly outrageous territory, from a paintball-strip club hybrid to scandal-laden confessions.
Hawkins closes the evening with gleeful absurdity, fully committing to the premise of an overzealous soldier proposing a hot and sweaty sauna as a path to peace. The speech is rich with innuendo and escalating ridiculousness, building to a finale that encapsulates the show’s anarchic spirit.
The Adelaide premiere of I’d like to say a few words proved a sharp, inventive addition to the Cabaret Festival program. While the rotating cast means each performance will vary, this iteration struck an engaging balance between comedy and commentary. It’s a format that invites return visits, and one that feels ripe for future Adelaide seasons.
4 CROISSANTS
Matilda Marseillaise was a guest of Adelaide Cabaret Festival
